July Baby: Lucretia Reed is Born

I was born on July 7th. My parents had considered themselves to be done having children. But my mother identified herself as Catholic and Catholics don't use birth control. Mom always said that I was proof that the rhythm method doesn't work. After I was born, Dad got a vasectomy. There were things said and done that could have left me feeling that I was unwanted, but I never felt that. Undoubtedly, both of my parents loved me. But my mother didn't stop smoking while she was pregnant, didn't cut down at all. I was born weighing 5 lbs 5 oz and my skin was blue. This was from lack of oxygen due to a placenta that was shriveled and half gone, the effects of smoking. My mother said I was the "ugliest baby [she] had ever seen." Well, that was her fault, not mine. She also said that because I was so little, my stomach was very small, so I would eat and be hungry again right away. She said I cried all of the time. But when I interviewed her in later years, she said the day came for me to be born and she called my father at work. Her voice cracked with emotion as she recalled saying to him, "Are you ready to have a baby?" They brought me home to join my siblings. My brother was eleven and my sister was fifteen. Everyone adored me. I was named after my grandma.

I did put a bit of a strain on the family. My brother and sister were expected to babysit much of the time. When my sister was sixteen, she stopped taking me out in public with her. This came after an incident in which she took me to a store and was pushing me around in the shopping cart. She felt several people's disapproving glances as they assumed she was an unwed teen mother. She couldn't stand the judgemental looks.

My brother complained about fighting me for the TV. He came home from school and wanted to watch shows of his choosing. I would be watching 'Sesame Street' or 'Mr Rogers' and would scream and cry when he changed the channel. He thought it was about time that I let it go because I would have already watched those shows four or five times throughout the day. I knew the alphabet and my numbers before I ever entered Kindergarten.

I didn't talk fully as soon as other children. For the longest time, I would only say phrases of a few words. It took my brother tormenting me to make a breakthrough occur. We were sitting at the table across from each other for breakfast and he was teasing me about how I held my spoon. He was making faces and copying me. Then, I tried to look at the cereal box with it between us. He kept moving it aside and making faces at me. He wouldn't stop. I became so angry that I stood, stomped my foot, and screamed at him. I clearly recall looking around the kitchen and getting ideas/images of what I was yelling at him. I shouted, "I am going to rip your head off, get blood all over the floor, and throw it in the garbage can!" My brother was in shock, and my mother had heard this from the other room. She couldn't believe it! This story was told over and over as the first full sentence that Cretia ever said, spurred by her brother tormenting her. My family did have a twisted sense of humor.

I was a serious child. I can remember being about age five and feeling that seriousness, a feeling that something wasn't quite right with the world. I can't recall anything wrong in the family, I don't recall any arguing or outward signs of trouble. My Dad did get migraines. I remember crawling over my Dad's lap and questioning him as he sat on our couch holding his head. Mom told me to stop talking and be quiet around him because his head hurt. His face was tightened and twisted from the pain. I felt very sorry for him.

I went to daycare at Mrs Brown's. She was a very nice woman and I preferred to be with her rather than playing with the kids. I remember her slicing a dill pickle and introducing me to that wonderful taste. I was uncomfortable around the other kids. Some were older than me and tended to direct the playing. I was quiet and shy. One boy decided I was his girlfriend and I was in his rock band. We set up our stage in Mrs Brown's yard and sang Credence Clearwater's "Proud Mary - Rollin' on a River."
http://youtu.be/L-2Of9aznxg

When I was turning seven, my mother took me to a pet store and we looked at some kittens. On my birthday, my brother came driving up in his beater car and brought me a little gray kitten for my present. I named him Smokey, I think because he was gray and my Dad was brainstorming and said it was the color of smoke. I associated that with Smokey the Bear. So Smokey became the name. I loved that kitten. He grew into a Tom cat who I am certain helped to form my views of what a man should be. That cat along with the Disney movie, "Lady and the Tramp," were strong influences on me!

My family also came up against the world a few times in my early years which instilled a fight in me that I didn't realize I had. I will describe those experiences in my next installment.

As I go along with my writing, please post comments, questions, observations. I welcome anything that will help bring out the telling of my stories.